What Every Mom Should Know About Finding a Doula for Birth and Postpartum
- Gretchen Grinsteinner
- Aug 8, 2025
- 5 min read
When you’re preparing for birth and life with a newborn, there’s no shortage of advice, opinions, and Google rabbit holes. But there’s one form of support that cuts through the noise and focuses entirely on you — the doula.
Doulas are trained professionals who provide continuous emotional, educational, and physical support during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. They aren’t there to replace your medical team. They’re there to hold space for you, help you feel informed, and make sure you feel heard and supported every step of the way. And here’s the beautiful part — this support can be just as powerful virtually as it is in person.
The Many Types of Doulas and When They Can Help
Doulas aren’t just for the delivery room. There are many types, and you can find one for almost every stage of your motherhood journey:
In-Person Birth Doula – “You’re in early labor at home, and your doula arrives with calming words, hip squeezes, and a reminder to sip water. She quietly coaches your partner on how to support you while you focus inward.”
Virtual Birth Doula – “You’re in the hospital and your doula is on video, talking you through breathing patterns and helping you reframe unexpected changes in your birth plan.”
In-Person Postpartum Doula – “She folds laundry while listening to your birth story, helps you latch the baby, and then rocks the baby so you can shower for the first time in days.”
Virtual Postpartum Doula – “You text her a middle-of-the-night photo of a diaper rash and she sends back a list of possible causes and simple, safe solutions — along with a pep talk reminding you you’re doing an amazing job.”
Bereavement Doula – “She sits quietly beside you, in person or virtually, holding space for your grief without rushing you through it.”
Fertility & Family Planning Doula – “She walks you through cycle tracking, emotional ups and downs, and navigating medical appointments so you feel supported every step of the way.”
Some doulas specialize in one area; others offer a blend of services so you can have continuous care from pregnancy through postpartum.
What to Ask When Choosing a Doula
Finding a doula who feels like the right fit is just as important as finding the right service.
Here are some questions to guide your search:
Tell me about your experience being a doula
This one isn't exactly a question, but boy do I think its a good way to start the conversation! It's so open ended that you will have no clue how they will answer it, but their answer will tell you a lot about their priorities.
What services do you offer, and at what stages of motherhood?
How do you provide education and resources? (Workshops, private sessions, handouts, etc.)
What is your approach to supporting families?
How do you handle challenges or unexpected changes?
Do you offer virtual support, and what does that look like?
Can you share client testimonials or references?
What are your fees and payment options?
Pay attention not just to their answers but to how they answer. Do you feel heard? Do you feel comfortable opening up to them?
Why Virtual Support Is Just as Valuable
One of the biggest misconceptions about doula work is that it has to be hands-on to be effective. In reality, a large part of what doulas do is provide education, reassurance, and a safe, nonjudgmental space to process your feelings and questions—all of which can be done beautifully through virtual sessions.
A virtual doula can help you:
Create a birth or postpartum plan tailored to your needs and values
Talk through fears, choices, and expectations—validate them and talk about how to manage each one
Teach comfort techniques and coping strategies
Empower you to advocate not just for your birth preferences, but also your mothering preferences
Be available by phone for the entirety of your birth, but is more able to stay rested and therefore alert when the big questions come up.
Troubleshoot newborn care challenges
Connect you with local and online resources
If you connect deeply with a doula who happens to be halfway across the country don’t let geography stop you. The right doula is the one who helps you feel empowered, informed, and supported, whether they’re sitting next to you or showing up on your screen.
Why Postpartum Doula Care Matters More Than You Think
When you’re pregnant, it’s easy to focus all your energy — and your fears — on labor and delivery. After all, it’s the big event everyone talks about. Birth stories are swapped like trading cards, and most of the questions you get from friends and family start with “When’s the baby due?” or “Are you ready for labor?”
But here’s the thing no one tells you: birth is over in a matter of hours (or days). The postpartum season lasts for months — and the first 12 months can be far more challenging than the birth itself.
Because it’s not just about recovering physically. It’s about navigating sleepless nights while trying to stay patient with your baby — and yourself. It’s about breastfeeding struggles, bottle-feeding guilt, and endless Googling at 2 a.m. It’s about figuring out who you are now that you’re “Mom,” and learning how to show up for your relationships in a totally new way.
This is where a postpartum doula can make all the difference. They’re not just there to swaddle your baby or fold the laundry (though they might do that, too). They’re there to help you be the mother you want to be — calm, confident, and connected. They listen without judgment, provide evidence-based guidance, and remind you that you are doing a good job, even when you feel like you’re falling apart.
And here’s the part most people don’t realize: much of this work can be done beautifully through virtual sessions. Whether your doula is across town or across the country, they can guide you through feeding challenges, talk you down from anxiety spirals, and help you create realistic rhythms for your days — all while giving you the tools to enjoy motherhood, not just survive it.
Because the goal isn’t just to get through the first year. It’s to come out on the other side feeling proud, whole, and happy you got to be present for it.
Final Thoughts
Choosing a doula is a personal decision. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe, respected, and confident in your own ability to navigate motherhood. Explore your options, ask questions, and trust your instincts.
And remember: a doula’s presence — virtual or in-person — isn’t about doing the work for you. It’s about walking beside you, reminding you that you’re capable, strong, and worthy of the care you need.
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