Sneak Peak

Motherhood. It is the one unpredictable area of life that seems to be very predictable in one aspect. New mothers have to fight for themself. 

As I sit down to write this very first blog post today I am surrounded by Irish pub music, the pounding of a stapler, the banging of keys on a child’s toy piano, the shuffling of papers, the scribbling of crayons on drawing paper, books, walls, and honestly so much more. And that is just what's coming from the small living room of my home here in New London, Connecticut. 

My husband is working on a lab assignment for his college degree on one side, while our two kids play (finally together) on the other side. It’s a little after 6pm, and I have been trying to work on my very small, still pretty new business for several hours. But the baby won’t sleep and the toddler has some very important art to create that—if I care about my house—should be supervised. 

This is the life! Well, this is my life anyway. And it is the life, just not exactly how I thought it would look. 

Sure, I can go upstairs and take some time for myself to work on my business (and I often do), but when you're starting or growing a business it takes a lot of time. But so does raising children, and I am not willing to sacrifice time around my family at this point in my children's lives.

When I switched degree plans halfway through a masters in marriage and family therapy, I did NOT think starting a business and actually making any money would be this hard. Pregnant and postpartum mothers willingly take any and all free advice so my goal of positively influencing someone’s motherhood experience is thankfully very easy. But making a living or any sort of wage from doing so has been admittedly very difficult. 

I get it though! Raising children is not cheap. It is especially expensive when every friend, professional and stranger are recommending things to make life easier. Buying that wake sensing bassinet that automatically rocks your baby to sleep might make nap times and bedtimes easier, but honestly that’s a big, “No thank you!” for me. How much more disconnected of a society can we be that we can’t even be bothered to rock and soothe our own children when they need us. 

It’s no wonder mothers are constantly making decisions that create distance between them and their children. Those decisions certainly lighten the load and seem to make life easier. But at what cost? 

With an astonishingly high rate of mental health issues it baffles me that we can’t take simple steps to save ourselves and our children. 

Skin to skin —Simple human touch. 

That’s one of the first things mothers should be doing to calm their new babies. If something as simple as that can instantly calm a crying baby, why is it that we are offering screens, and walkers overwhelmed with lights, sounds, and interactive toys. 

I do get overstimulated easily, but can you confidently say that you don’t? Our children are overstimulated and overwhelmed all while lacking physical closeness. Of course they are going to be a handful! 

Now, I am writing this on my Macbook with my phone close by uploading a reel to  my business instagram so I don’t by any means believe that technology in itself is going to doom the human race, but I definitely think we need a serious overhaul as a society. 

Quality over quantity is a good lesson here. Quality time with technology means that you don’t need so much of it. We as mothers can learn balance, while also teaching it to our children. 

So how do we do this? 

For starters, we can be mindful with our technology use. When do we typically first turn it on for the day? How long are we using it? WHY are we using it? That’s a big one, and it does take a lot of honest reflection. Lastly, when do we turn it off for the day? 

What do we do with all this information? We can reflect on if this use is really useful or if there are other tools available for us to help create some more of that balance. 

Here’s an example. 

I used to turn the TV on for my son when I would go to do the dishes. I was tired of him pushing on my legs to get me away from the sink so that I would play with him. 

So I looked a little deeper into what play even is. 

Play CAN be doing the dishes, so why not include him in my task. Luckily he was given one of those play sinks for Christmas. You know one of those kid sinks with a motorized faucet, dishes, and a scrub brush. 

So now that’s what we do. I do my dishes, and he does his! 

I think that’s a lot of what motherhood is—or at least what I think it should be. Do our best. Reflect. Make changes as necessary and as we are able to. Then do our best again. Rinse. Repeat. 

It’s all just a cycle of survival. 

Xx Gretchen